this semester is such a drag. if it weren't the last, i'd have dropped out and focused on things i actually want to do. it's a lesson learned. don't waste your time working towards an implausible end. it isn't for me. it never was.

the small snippet of fulfilling demographic potentials are just too infinitesimal to be banked upon. it will take serious luck and/or rediscovered faith in fate to bring together harmony on that path. but truthfully, the other path asks for the same risk and requires a patron saint of blessed circumstance as well. the rewards for my soul are just so much more richer in dividends on the path i've ignored. 

so this year is step one on that old reset. a flicker forward fantastic. on/off/on/off. on. 

i'm doing more than i should be able to already. neptune seems to be returning in greater force every minute. there are childish melodies i've since remembered that could serve as a beginning for something bigger. arrangements are being made, projects are being divided and focused with laser-like precision. my heart gets stronger and my voice gets louder. 

i've always been two fish, swimming in separate directions. instead of fighting it, and trying to contain and synthesize into one immutable substance, i'm just allowing those two aspects to spiral out in separate directions. they both should be free to grow and change as they so wish. as all things, they'll cycle back to a point of union in the future. stronger fish, bigger waves.

the next decade of my existence will be one of ambition and productivity. i can't pretend to believe what once was will dictate what will always be, but i also can't pretend that i've honestly tried, because i haven't. that fear is a real one. it cripples. but the reality of my situation dictates that it's now or never.

so. it's now.

not never. 

i dosed acid tuesday while everyone else on the (local) planet was getting drunk at parades.

i went into the forest and wandered trails for hours. i sat and listened to the trees sing songs and reached out to the ancients who once walked those same paths. it was a beautiful day. 

i then watched the sunset into a pisces new moon on the bay. i peaked and blew out the candle. i felt neptune ease into my watery heart. i watched the sun dissolve into the water, the light was electric. i will never forget it as long as i live.

it was a great day.

i came home and put the siamese dream remaster into my 5.1. it surrounded me and i absorbed. it was three dimensional audio magic. it was exhilarating. it was everything i needed.

it was a perfect day.

and i spent it all alone, just lucy and i. i will never need another. i will only want. but we always want what we cannot have.

today has been a wreckage of abandonment. not the type you think. but the type you know.

after letting go of what was, the sudden weightlessness can be mistaken for the emptiness of a vacuum. and it sucks. 

this saturday i turn 30. 

i will fight my demons. i will accomplish something. i will be remembered. 

ok, maybe not. but i won't pretend that i didn't try. 

this is a song. 

i am singing.

figured out how to play three old songs i wanted to record.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO MEEEEE

tomorrow is going to suck.

it's been so long since i've been alone. i mean, even before my failed marriage, i was in another long term relationship. so this'll be the first valentines day spent alone in oh... 7 years? something like that.

it's rough. i don't want to be in a relationship at fucking all, but i certainly would like some physical attention, you know? i'm not some slut who fucks strangers all the time, but goddamn, what i'd do for just a kiss. 

and it's a shame too. i look real good these days. seriously! haha

and i wanted you to know
that i never wanted this
but i never wanted that

and i wanted you to know 
that there are no more exits
but you weren't afraid of that

i wanna collapse on the floor of your waking nightmares and drink the moonlight in your wide alarm. 
a folded blanket kept clean and out of view for emergencies such as-
those haunting shadows in the periphery of your vision that feed on the fear that follows,
to keep you insulated from the waking, warm and soft, sending you back to slumber, in hopes of better dreams.
i'll be your shadow.

i know the waves that crash, i know the sail is frayed.
but moonlight is our only option and all that light that died so long ago,
poking perfunctory punches in inked paper, just now reaching our tired eyes-
those journey-worn ghosts are our guide.


so we shudder and sigh, guiding oars through an empty sea,
(for the sutures in our sails are weathered,
and the winds of fate seem to be taking their time getting to us).
do not fret.
this ocean is just a means to an end-
soon a sea of stars is all we'll know.
the earth beneath will dissipate as the peripheral streaks in silver.

second star to the right and straight on till morning.
neverland awaits.

hi everyone. 

i know a few of you follow me on facebook, but if you don't, please do. search colquittbrett at gmail and say hello. i post on there far more frequently that i do here, and it's obviously not the sort of livejournal type soul searching, but it's where my fun goes. 

i at one point was trying to blend the two personae but really, potential employers check facebook. so i don't want my professional image to be that of some pseudo-artistic emofag. and unfortunately, that's the history here and i doubt that'll change. i gotta be a pretentious douchebag somewhere. i'll let you decide where that may be. could be both. i really don't even know anymore. self-talk is such a bitch sometimes.

bruises + benefits by colquitt

so, i recorded this last month. i thought it was fitting. it was the last fully realized song i wrote before i started seeing katie and threw my life away. it's so down, it's almost an ode to leonard cohen.

so. hi everyone! it's been a minute. okay, much longer than a minute. 

i'm in the process of divorce. it's not terrible. it's really not. i wish it were sometimes, because everyone seems to think i should be far more unhappy than i actually am. it'd be nice to just really rub the sadness in their faces, but alas! there isn't much there. we weren't happy being married. straight up. we are still friends and i still love her and consider her family. that'll never change, i don't think. but romantically? things just fall apart sometimes. she changed and so did i. we're reasonable adults however, so we aren't acting like horrible people! it's not so bad.

the worst part is the vacuum. there's suddenly this gap in my day to day activities. the air in this apartment feels empty. it's strange. but she finally got the last of her things, so at least i'm not reminded of what once was on a regular basis. now i just have a lot of unused space that i need to fill. with dreams!

so, it's odd. but things have been stranger.

the weirdest part of all this is that i feel like i've reclaimed my self, and that's why the relationship went to shit. 

i don't know who still reads this thing, but if any of you remember katie, well, she basically broke me. she systematically destroyed anything that i once was. the artist died. the musician. the wordsmith. all that existed was what she needed, which was some idiot to take care of her. so i did. and lost myself.

that ended far too late. but the second it did, i started seeing rachel. there was absolutely no time to regroup and figure out who i was. it just happened. and i didn't mind. i liked her for a long time before i even met katie. in fact, i think i was attracted to katie as a substitute for what i couldn't have with rachel.

so as our relationship progressed into marriage, the romance slowed a bit, and i was suddenly left with the realization that i have no idea who the fuck i even was. i was just this happy guy in love. that was all. there was nothing else there. and that was fine!

i was happy like that. i was going back to school to get a degree so i could afford to take care of a family further down the line. that's what you do when you get married. or at least, that's the plan for most people that get married. so i through all my chips down and let it ride. domestication and setting down was the game.

about a year and a half ago, something changed. i started feeling the need to express myself in ways that love could not. i started to look back at who i was before i entered into the lifewreck that was my relationship with katie. and i remembered, i really really liked who i was back then. i was writing songs, seeing friends. i was happy. i was free. i had the world ahead of me and my fingers were dying to grasp the globe in my hands. i had ambition. i wanted the world. and the world wanted me. or at least, that's what i imagined. 

nothing changed from this revelation, but i'm sure i started to distance myself from her a bit because of that. it was never a conscious thing, but i know that i needed space to come to terms with this new kind of grief. i mean, i really started to mourn the death of me. it was odd. now that i think about it, i had a dream about that very topic days after i started seeing rachel. weird. the memory of man is a weird weird thing. haven't thought about that dream in a long time. 

but it didn't matter. i had new goals. i was gonna finish school. get a real job. become a successful member of society. have kids. raise them. be the dad my father never was. make right on my genetic line. that was my drive. my focus. it was all i had to hold on to. if the old me was dead, then this new me had to make things happen in a different way.

about 8 months ago, rachel said that she didn't want children. i figured that she didn't want them anytime soon. but i thought that she would eventually. apparently, rachel just didn't want to be a mom AT ALL.

i put on a brave face, acted like it was no big deal. i had to. but my heart was destroyed. obliterated. all of this focus and drive for something that she didn't even want. 

and it makes sense. she fell in love with the old me. the one that died. 

well, needless to say, i sort of subconsciously just dropped the fuck out. i started to instead embrace the bits of old me that were still fluttering around in my old soul. i started playing guitar more and jamming with friends. i started to look at other women as potential lovers. i never acted on anything. i was faithful. i'm not a cheater. but the fact that i was looking and daydreaming of mythic loves unknown, it certainly wasn't good for the relationship. she was doing the same thing. i'm certain of that. she was changing too. things just weren't ever going to be the same.

a few weeks ago, i came home from class and opened up firefox and clicked facebook. rachel forgot to log out. i just couldn't help myself. i had to know. if i was wrong, then fine. i'd feel guilty for invading her privacy like that... but if i were right...

and i was. i was right. she's been in love with this dude for a few weeks. sending secret facebook communiques featuring the words of young lovers, still warm and fuzzy with the ideas of what could be. 

it hurt. it really did. i just couldn't believe that this is what it came to. 

but that's over now. i forgive her. i realize it was partially my fault for not trying hard enough to keep things going in a positive direction. she tried. she did. i just didn't see the point in trying since everything i had been working towards in the relationship were suddenly no longer goals, just taunting dreams eating me inside out. 

anyway, i guess i'm back? this is really the only place i feel comfortable playing in. a relic from a time long forgot that still seems to spin magic in my heart. i hope this wasn't too long and you all aren't annoyed at my inability to use a jump cut. 

i think i might start filling this with random scraps of poetry and dream stuff again. you folks used to like that, right?

 hello everyone.

do people still use this? 

i didn't click friends yet, so it's possible people still do. i really don't. but here i am! killing a minute before work. i am still quite the fan of sentence fragments.

this is my new tattoo. if you can't figure out what it is, then we probably shouldn't be friends. 

uh... i've only got one semester and one class left till i graduate from college. i'll be 30! where has the time gone, and other cliches, hmm. not much for creativity as of late. just trying to eat and not die. which is easier with a wife. i love her. she's the best.

hmm. that's about it! aren't you dudes on facebook? holla at me. because it could be another two years before i visit! just search my name william brett jr - or colquittbrett at the gmailz dot awesome.

nostalgia kills.

thoughts brewing and segmenting into self-aware identities. reconstruction of data via text boxes in digest form for your curiosity. bullet form loaded with blanks. remember when this all used to mean something? front sight, here we go.

-will people please stop paying attention to sarah palin? please? just ignore her completely. some people you just have to ignore, no matter the temptation. i should know. just trust me on this. i spent way too much wasted time trying to live with someone suffering from histrionic personality disorder. sarah palin, i think you might just be the goddamn archetype of said disorder. shut the fuck up and let dave make jokes.

-i don't care how hot you think it is. until you are swimming in the air due to humidity, you do not know how hot 86 degrees really is. it isn't even summer yet. august in alabama will fucking kill us all.

-i got my tattoo finished. technically it isn't really ever finished. instead, i guess i should say it's moving along quite splendidly. image.



-seen ghost adventures? don't. that is unless of course you find insecure white guys screaming and taunting spirits to be entertainment. personally, i hope he fucks with the wrong entity and gets what he asks for. i don't rightly know why i hate the dude so much. seems like a canadian version of a frat dude who probably thought limp bizkit was a cultural touchstone for all of humanity. i don't know. i do know that the second the wife starts watching the show, i instantly want to travel to wherever this guy lives, and punch him repeatedly.

-been playing guitar more lately. nothing serious, thank god. for a while there, i'd pick it up and try to write something because it used to be so easy, and then i'd get discouraged and let the thing gather dust for months. lately, i've just been having fun playing dumb metal riffs and actually enjoying myself. baby steps. i don't know when i'll ever want to play with someone else again. thanks for the complex person-who-probably-doesn't-read-livejournal-anymore! i think i've come to the conclusion that you're just a really shitty person! thanks for burning that bridge for me! dick.

-someone has to stop the black eyed peas. soon.

-music music music (i like). new subheading without bullets/blanks to separate from the mindnumbing idea track skipping experienced previously in this update-

new mastodon is proving to be quite divisive amonst my peer network. most think it's the worst thing ever conceived. myself and a few others, we disagree with this opinion entirely. i've never really liked mastodon. "crack the skye" is goddamned awesome though.

another band that i never really shined to is isis. saw them at furnace fest many years ago, and it just seemed boring. however, on a lark, i checked out "panopticon" (which is generally regarded to be their best work, apparently) on youtube (because you can, in fact, listen to entire albums on that site), and you know what? it fucking owns. i'm in love with it. so now i've gotta save some cash and invest in that album, and investigate the rest of their catalog a bit more closely.

new trail of dead album "century of self" is the best thing they've done since "source tags + codes". coincidentally, my favorite track is called "isis unveiled", which may or may not have had something to do with me checking out isis, possibly due to idea transference or something. still, the album slays, and features some impressive artwork done entirely in blue bic pen... and that's crazy, because it's the most detailed mythological art i've ever seen... and it's done with a goddamn pen. conrad keely? you're still the fucking man.

that's about the extent of the new stuff, i guess. haven't really had the cash to blow on things lately.  i would easily blow 20 bucks on the new doves album, "kingdom of rust"... however i can't seem to find it fucking anywhere. i love doves. i fucking love them, and i'm kind of disappointed in myself for not trying harder to track the new one down.

-someone really needs to stop pitchforkmedia. anyone who says that "Wavves" are something good are fucking idiots. also, anyone who ridicules billy corgan for any possible reason, and then kisses pearl jam's ass even though they quite obviously have made some serious ethical derailment as of late, all the while furiously fapping to a fucking commercial because it has five seconds of a new dr. dre track... they must be stopped. people are just putting too much stock in what these elitist pseudojournalists think. they're like the goddamn fox news of indie music. all agenda, no objectivity.

ok i should sleep now. good night sweet livejournal. happy birthday, and all that.

hello there.

it's been awhile so i thought i might update for you peeps that still actually use this thing.

got lines and shading done on my arm. waiting for it to heal before i hit the color, as i'm a massive pussy. i think sitting still while a friend jabs my arms with needles for 3 and a half hours was enough. so! pics! for those that aren't on facebook! which i update far too much throughout the day! (add me! another_faceless_name @ hotmail! com!) !



that was immediately after it was done, so naturally it's a bit swollen and bruised, not to mention insanely glossy and reflective due to all the aquaphore. the initial idea was lady justice wearing wolves clothing with the scales weighing hearts and blood money. sean obviously put his own slant on it. he says the style is inspired by John Baizley (who does all the baroness artwork along with of course... rocking with baroness). i'm happy with it. Sean is a master of colour though, so it's really only half finished. we plan on adding more. i don't think i'll go any further than 3/4ths of a sleeve, but i plan on continuing with the metamorphosis into dirty tattooed rock kid.

it itches a whole lot. i can't stop slapping my arm.

hmm. what else. the wife and i went to atlanta to catch NIN/JA over the weekend. finally got to meet the one and only CJ reed. i was totally fucking drunk though, so let's hope i didn't look like too much of an ass.

show was fucking awesome. first time seeing NIN, which is insane, i guess. last tour in possibly forever, so i had to. i was not disappointed. the set was heavy on Downward Spiral material, Saul Williams showed up and played "broken instruments" with the band- it was fucking great.

Jane's were great too... it's not my favorite band but they are consummate professionals and performed as such. Perry Farrell is the cutest little lady in a man's body ever. in fact! he apparently tore a ligament in his calf during the first song, but the wife and i would be hard pressed to point out any falter in the man's mojo. he was dancing and swinging like a madman.

anyway, that's about the extent of awesome going on. starting back with school in a few weeks, and hopefully will be finishing some time next year... which would be nice, cause i gotta start paying back student loans next month... which completely blows.

anyway! hope you all are kicking ass and disregarding names.
hearts and stars
will

thepainpage.com

IT LOOKS AMAZING.

For my birthday, I got the Neverwhere graphic novel, Sonic's Ultimate Sega Genesis Collection, The Office Season 2 (because I've just recently got into the American series), and the HOLY FUCKING GRAIL-

The Complete Calvin & Hobbes. 

Tomorrow, maybe I'll get into why these things are all amazing and the perfect gifts ever... but for now.

I love you Rachel. You are the greatest person ever and the best decision I ever made.

Faith No More is doing a reunion tour later this year.

FAITH 
NO 
MORE

IS REUNITING.

This is the best birthday news I could possibly ever hear. Seriously. I used to spread the rumor that they were getting together, hoping that it might somehow become true just by persistence.

The only problem?

They are only touring Europe.

Now, seeing as how this is quite possibly my only chance to ever see this band, the Missus (possibly a bigger fan than myself) and I will travel the world to see this. Fuck man! I will swim the Atlantic fueled only by the blood of non-believers to see this shit.

Anyway. Just an announcement of explicit intent.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me in T-minus 49 minutes.

I don't have much to say, but I'm working on making those few words equate to a maelstrom of torrential doom.

I decided to stick around.

Just in case I soimeday I actually do have something to say.

Starting over always takes too long. It's always best just to pick up where you left off.

HOLY SHIT THIS KID IS AWESOME

My tooth hurts.

What happened?

Can't think of a single word.

First post of the new year:

The two hot topics on the friends page is breastfeeding and fireworks?

This year already sucks.

just joined twitter. i know, i know. a bit late... but whatever.

gimme names or add me. colquittbrett

Happy holidays to everyone! It is currently storming like a motherfucker here in Daphneland. The wife and I are drinking champagne with the door open so we can hear the rain.

Earlier today, we visited Rachel's parents and opened gifts there. Miss Christie did this so we wouldn't have a fourth place to visit tomorrow. I got a sweet gaming chair and some neato Mario boxers. Rachel got some new jammies, a new throw rug, and a variety of other fun stuff.

We came home and decided to just go ahead and exchange our presents for one another. I got her a cute Hello Kitty purse-bag-thing and a cool shiatsu chair thing that she loves (which pleases me).

She got me a few PS3 games... however I have no PS3 to play them on. So... I pretty much know what I'm getting from Mom tomorrow. I'm stoked. I've wanted one since day one, but they're so fucking expensive. I'm honestly shocked that my Mom got me one. I kind of just threw the idea out there as a pipe dream.

Anyhow, I hope the best for you and yours. Happy holidays, bitches. :)

Wow. What the fuck.

I know I know, The Nation is some biased shit... but this story doesn't seem all that implausible. It seems like the same thing Mr. Mike Faulk reported on recently involving the dying latin kid that a group of people just watched, never once attempting to help. Obviously, not the same circumstances, but definitely the same stupid attitude.

I'm just extremely shocked by this report. Three years later and no serious investigation? Seriously? REALLY? Why am I just now hearing about this? This is some serious shit.

So happy holidays and all that. Let's just get that out of the way before I ramble incessantly about things you probably don't care about.

AAAAAAAND we're off-

What the fuck have I been up to lately? I'm glad I imagined that you asked. NOTHING.

The semester is over. It was hell, but I did pretty good. Two A's, a B, and one D, which normally would be a bad thing, but I was fully expecting to fail due to my general attitude towards the class. This class being Intro to Philosophy, I walked in expecting something interesting. I imagined it would be a basic rundown on the fundamentals; Plato, Aristotle, maybe a little Nietzsche... ya know, the classics. Also, I thought maybe we'd be using a textbook that contained vocabulary for different terms and movements, perhaps an abbreviated biography of the philosophers in question... just something to help me learn and understand the material. However, all we got were expensive loose-leaf packets featuring overpriced xeroxes of selected chapters from a book. I guess I'm spoiled, but I've gotten used to having an organized resource to help me absorb the material.

Second (not that there was a first, but fuck it, I like counting at random), our instructor, who is a very nice lady, though perhaps a tad neurotic and spacey, insisted on teaching purely by the Socratic method. This makes sense, as it is a philosophy class after all. The only problem was that 3/4ths of the time it was rather obvious that maybe two or three people in the entire class had actually read the assignments, and as such, not a whole lot of dialogue took place. It didn't help that the material assigned was written long ago when people wrote in a style that could only be described as arcane. Anyway, so she'd ask a question like, "What argument did so-and-so use in relation to blahblahblah" and everyone would scan their article and then we'd spend maybe ten minutes in awkward silence as the writings themselves were pretty abstruse so finding an exact answer was difficult to ascertain. All of this would have been easily remedied had there been a fucking textbook with a rudimentary summary.

The other problem was of my own fault, as I had no idea how much of philosophy is pedantic cockfights using semantics as the basis of argument. I thought it was going to be a debate of ideas, not of logic. That kind of shit just sends me into a blind fury. It's a completely irrational reaction and I have no defense for it.

End rant.

The day of my last final, I took the plunge into complete stupidity and bought the new World of Warcraft expansion, Wrath of the Lich King.  As of right now I'm halfway to 76 on my mage and went through the intial quest chain for the new hero class of Death Knight. There is nothing else to say about it. The time sink is effective and entertaining. It may very well be the greatest iteration of ICQ ever.

Oh! Random! I'm going to take up skateboarding again. A friend came across a free setup and gave it to me for Christmas. Normally, I'd never ever risk medical bills, but I need to get back into some sort of physical activity as I'm getting kind of out of shape... but most importantly, I HAVE MOTHERFUCKING INSURANCE. Finally. And it only took me forever.

Hmm.. what else... oh, my boy Ace found some old videos we made back in high-school. The first is our strangely random parody of the Blair Witch Project. I don't even remember how or why we started it... but we wound up spending an entire day just driving around town looking for the "Fairhope Witch." It is in dire need of editing, but once I get a Mac, I plan on making it somewhat presentable. The other is perfect already and I hope to get it encoded soon so I can share it with the world. It features Ace playing the role of "Ace the Mace Wallace", a brave knight and his companion "Zero the Mage" played by myself. The King's daughter is kidnapped, and he puts the two of us on a perilous quest to rescue the princess from the evil clutches of Nancy in his fearsome... backyard.  Shit sounds stupid, but it's hilariously stupid. It also features the most amazing death scene ever and features Hatebreed on the soundtrack. It's straight brutal. Plus, you'll get to see me awkwardly fight a dragon.

Okay, I've rambled enough.

The first single from The Lonely Island's debut album "INCREDIBAD". In stores 02/10/2009.

Video features guest appearances by Molly Sims, Jamie Lynn Sigler, and Justin Timberlake.

The Lonely Island is Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone.

(Directed by Kiv)

--

Seriously. I cannot wait for this fucking album. http://www.thelonelyisland.com - click for more funny songs and videos.

Seriously. Bush looks so dejected and broken. At 0:16 you can actually see what appears to be his little presidential heart break.

Nobody there acknowledges his presence whatsoever. In fact, right before the aforementioned moment, W actually tries to possibly say hello or something, and the guy looks up, sees that it's Bush, and just looks away as if, "Oh, nevermind. I thought I saw something. Must have been my imagination. OH HOW DO YOU DO PERSON THAT EXISTS AND IS SHAKING MY HAND?"

I think it's possible that this scene encapsulates the zeitgeist. This guy is representing our country still, but nobody seems to give a damn. Lame duck, indeed. Lame, uncomfortable, sad, broken, useless little duck.

On January 20th, this is the image I will be holding in my head. Never forget? Is that possible?

I just got Animal Crossing: City Folk. If you get it, add me and leave me your code so I can add you back!

Name: William
Town Name: Rolotony
Friend Code: 2535-7120-5503
Fruit: Cherries

Sooner or later I'll get around to posting my Mario Kart and Smash Bros codes.

PS: I really hate friend codes.

Hahaha. I can't believe this shit is still readily found on the web. Awesome. Even harder to believe it has five stars on YouTube. RELIVE THE MAGIC.

Copy this sentence into your LiveJournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

Watching the video of everyone cheering is making tears literally stream from from my eyes.

Tomorrow is a new day.

The future is ours.

You know, I've been waiting for the official call of 270, but...

YES.

WE DID.

<---Voted.

If Obama doesn't win, I will forever lose hope in this country. I will most likely seriously look into mastering Japanese and focus on getting a job teaching in Japan.

At least that's what I'm thinking now.

I bought in. I fell for it. I for some reason have thrown everything I thought and felt about the political system out the window and believe something good could come of this.

The only other thing I see is more fear. Maybe hope is just as poisonous as fear, but goddamn, if I have to pick a poison, I pick that one.

Earlier today in my Media Culture class, our professor mentioned how crazy it was that Shepherd Smith of FOX News talked down and corrected "Joe" The "Plumber" (which is the WORST possible mascot ever and completely representative of what's so terribly wrong with the McCain campaign). Ole Joe was calling in to his show and was mouthing off something crazy about Obama being the death of Israel. Smith actually asked him for some evidence of this and ended the segment with a disclaimer alerting his viewing audience that the rumor has no basis in reality. WHAT THE FUCK, right? Since when did Fixed News get a conscience? I wonder how long he'll have a job.

Anyhow, after saying this, this one blonde girl in the front started getting a bit hysterical, saying that "IT'S TRUE! FOUR YEARS AGO HE ATTENDED A SYMPOSIUM WHICH FEATURED A SPEAKER WHO SUPPORTED THE PALESTINIAN CAUSE!"

This poor, poor, poor stupid girl. She was literally on the verge of tears, she was so deathly fucking afraid. "I'm a proud REPUBLICAN! Obama wants to destroy Israel, it's TRUE!" I wish I was making this up. Oh yeah? Well I once watched a documentary about neo-nazis. That doesn't make me a racist.

The class filled with whispers and mutters, and I said to the person next to me, "Guess the next four years are going to suck for her, eh?" I wanted to stand up and say something smart like "For someone who supports a campaign that's tagline is "COUNTRY FIRST", you sure seem to only think about some country you've never even visited!"

But I didn't. I felt sorry for her.

What is it that these people are so afraid of? A black man? A name? What is it about Obama that makes these people so goddamned terrified? 

I just don't understand it. I see Obama on the telly and I feel INSPIRED. I feel pride and patriotism; two concepts and ideals that I honestly never gave a fuck about prior in my life. Truthfully, I never once thought I'd care at all about this sort of thing at all. I didn't hate being an American or anything. I didn't necessarily agree with what it represented however. Now? I think we can be something again. I think we can work for a future instead of stagnating.

And so this is why I feel like I have to leave if this goes the other direction.

I cannot live in a country where the majority is made up of fearmongers and their captives.

I cannot live in a country where fear is more powerful than hope.

And just in case any of you were getting the mistaken impression, the former post has nothing to do with my wife, whom I love very much.

It has to do with other unmentionables that most likely suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder.

This is it. And this is all.

No emotionally exasperated exposition. No ego fulfillment. No names. No attempts at vindication.

Really nothing at all.

This is what you get.

This is it. And this is all.

This 30 minute ad spot for Barack Obama that is currently on is making me fucking cry.

I hope it makes McCain and his cronies choke on their own stupidity.

VOTE. This shit is just too goddamned important.

I was looking for a spare cd case, as a friend of a friend needed to borrow some software, and I stumbled on an old mp3 disc of my shit. What I didn't expect was to find some stuff that even I had forgotten about, and then slowly realized that "HEY! This shit isn't that bad!"

So the myspace has been updated with three new songs. http://www.myspace.com/colquittmusic

Shadow's Theme - So, Rae Antonini (sp), this one's for you! I found it. It's the only song up there that's downloadable, so tell your friend to grab it. For those that haven't been asking about it, this is my rendition of a song from Final Fantasy VI. It's the theme for the character known as Shadow, and he's a badass ninja. It's all instrumental, and as such is probably the strongest track because of it. It sounds like a ghost.

Staples Across Seasons (Contempt + Grace) - I was more or less surprised to find that I still had a copy of this one. The guitar is my favorite part, as it was created using some weird random tuning, that I can no longer remember. The lyrics were written around the time of high-school graduation, but it was more or less about the end of my band, Staples Binding Seasons. The kids in the band would continue on and eventually become The Judas Cradle, who broke up too soon. Granted, it's a bit melodramatic as we remained close friends for the entirety of our lives. However, I definitely do not see any of them anymore, as we've all moved off and away and started careers and things, and because of this I can say the the lyrics hit a bit close to my heart right now. Again, the vocals aren't the best, but ya know, at the time I wasn't the best singer. Lyrically and thematically I still thing the song as a whole is really powerful.

Looking At The Way Through and Finding Everything - This is the one that freaked me out when I saw it on the disc. Jesus. I FORGOT I EVEN WROTE THIS, let alone RECORDED. I'm a bit shocked. I mean, really, it's a lot better than I remember it being. Vocals aren't terrible, the lyrics are nice, and the structure isn't boring... I dunno. I'm interested in hearing what anyone has to say about it. Cause it seems so alien to me, that it almost feels like it isn't mine at all, though I know it is.

I also found a copy of "Athena's Will" which really needs a new title, but jeez, it's so precious, you know? I don't want to post it cause it's super sappy and i mean SAPPY. It drips with gooey girly romance. It's a good song, but god it's embarassing. I'll post if people demand, but geez, I think there's enough sappy melodrama up for right now.

The wife and I ate some sugarcubes today, and tripped our balls off in the fine southern air.

We wound up behind Bayside Academy sitting on this magnificent tree watching the sun set together.

What a quaint modern experience... good trip, great day, still hazy.

I love you Rachel McKay. You're still the best decision I ever made.

EDiT: jesus, i cannot believe i am still tripping.